I think that the word "miracle" has lost so much of it's luster in our day. And it isn't because we see miracles happening so often that we have become insensitive to them, it's because our speech has evolved to the point that every Monday morning I say "It's a miracle I made it to work on time!"
The definition of a miracle, as it is used in Scripture, is completely different. Like many words in our vocabularies, this word has become abused and overused, causing it to lose it significance. However, on January first, after praying with my husband, I looked into his tear stained eyes and listened to him give me the definition of a miracle. In the New Testament a common word used for miracle can be translated "sign". Like a sign on the door that let's me know this is the women's bathroom, or a sign on the road that tells me I can't turn left. A miracle is a sign that God can use to point to himself. It is something extraordinary that happens for a greater good, with that good being for the glory of God.
After Brad told me what a miracle was, he then told me that our baby was a miracle. Only ten minutes earlier we had found out that I was pregnant; we were going to have a baby. A miracle baby. Words cannot express the joy, excitement, and elation that we both felt that night as we tried to wrap our minds around the fact that God had created life within me.
The next few days were a blur. If you could have been a fly on our wall, you would have some funny stories to tell. We first told our friends, Jason and Mandy. We couldn't wait to tell someone, and we wanted to wait to tell our families in person. We then had to let my brother-in-law, Nate in on our secret because he came to stay with us for a week for a J-term class. We recruited him for our plan to tell my family. He was able to convince my sister and the girls to spend the night at my mom's house so we could have a "family night" before AK's birthday the next day.
Looking back, telling our families was everything I ever imagined it would be. And believe me, I had thought about it. A lot. We were able to tell our families over a weekend trip home back to SC, but we had to return back to Wake Forest Saturday night so we could teach Sunday school the next morning. On Sunday, I felt very unsettled, but was trusting that God is not only the Creator of life, but the Sustainer of life as well.
Like the eleven days before that, Monday was no different. Before I left for work, Brad and I prayed for our precious blessing. We asked for God to nurture and protect our baby. We also prayed for God's will for my pregnancy.
Later that morning, I began bleeding. We tried to reassure ourselves that everything was going to be okay, but we still made a doctor's appointment. We hadn't even been to our first appointment with the doctor yet, so we were both anxious to get there. I have seen many ultrasound pictures before, so when we first saw the screen, I knew immediately that something was wrong.
I knew that I felt pregnant. And I knew that I had taken three positive pregnancy tests. But the doctor could not find a baby. We were ultimately devastated. At that one moment, a thousand different questions were running through my mind. Was I ever pregnant? If so, what has happened?
Just two days after we celebrated with our families, we had to call them and tell them that we had lost the baby. Despite all the sadness, sorrow, and pain that we felt, we are able to say that we are able to see God's hand holding us every step of the way.
Two days later, we got a phone call from the doctor telling us to come back into the office immediately. What we had hoped would not be the case, was becoming our worst nightmare. My levels (of pregnancy hormone) were not going down, they were going up. The doctor was afraid that I was having an ectopic pregnancy, and we needed to come in to make sure because they can be pretty dangerous. After another ultrasound, and some more blood tests, the doctor determined that it was an ectopic pregnancy and we need to be treated immediately.
Fortunately, he was able to give me a series of injections to treat it, so I was able to avoid surgery. And to make this incredibly long story a little shorter, I will tell you that I'm on the upswing of things. I am feeling better physically. We still have very difficult days emotionally. We have so many unanswered questions. They are questions that we will probably never know the answers to on this side of Heaven. But I do know that this is not the end of our story. This isn't even the end of this chapter in our lives.
God has so many plans for our lives, and is using us in so many ways. A dear friend who was giving me some encouragement the other day said, "This is amazing evidence of how much God must love you." Yes, He does love me. I hope that our lives are evidence of how much we love Him too.
Before I finish, I want to ask for your prayers once more. We are trying to take each day one step at a time. And tomorrow will be one more slow step. We found out on Thursday that Brad will have to have surgery tomorrow. When it rains, it pours doesn't it? Brad has a pilonidal cyst that needs to be removed near the bottom of his spine. His recovery will be tedious and SLOW. I will definitely keep you updated when things slow down a little.
For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:14-21
