I'm home.

Home. Sweet. Home. I've been away for the last five days on a much needed girls weekend. I promise I will tell you all about it, but I have lots of unpacking and clothes that need to be washed so I can hit the floor running tommorrow. It's back to reality.

I made a pit stop in Cola last night on my way home, and these cute things were who I got to snuggle with - all night long.

Hope you had a great weekend! I can' wait to tell you about mine.

Giving God the Glory

January 12, 2009. I think it is odd what I seem to remember about that day. I don’t remember whether it was a clear and bright day, or whether the sun was hiding behind the clouds. Though, I do remember that it was cold, very cold. But Brad’s arms were so warm as they held me.

I don’t remember exactly what he kept saying to me, but I do know I was trying to concentrate on breathing—and putting one foot in front of the other so we could make it to the car. He had to pull the car over three times on the way home because I was sick to my stomach.

I remember calling my mother screaming. I don’t know what I said to her. And I don’t remember getting home, but I remember lying on my bed feeling empty and inconsolable.

It was dark, and when my eyes finally adjusted to the darkness, through my tears I could see his tears too. My knight in shining armor—crying. I think I fell asleep crying in his arms.

I don’t really remember waking up the next morning. Or maybe I do. Maybe I just remember the way I felt when I woke up. Because I still feel that way sometimes. It’s a feeling I can’t describe to you, and it’s something you wouldn’t understand unless you’ve lost a baby of your own.

January 12, 2009 feels like a lifetime ago. It feels like a bad dream. Sometimes I try to forget, but that would be the easy way out.

If you’ve read this far, you might be wondering by now where is my faith in all this? It is still there. Actually, it is stronger. I want to assure you that I feel held by God. And I am at peace with this more every day. God has brought me to this place in my life for a reason. He wants me here, and I want God receive the Glory for this. I want Him to be blessed by our faith in not giving up on Him—for our complete dependence on HIM. I want Him to receive the Glory when he blesses us with another child one day.

That doesn’t mean there won’t be hard days.

There will still be days that I long to hold my baby. There will always be the questions.

Was it a boy or a girl? What would our baby have looked like?

Would they have Brad’s beautiful brown eyes, or my curly hair?

What kind of personality would they have? Calm like their daddy? Or fanatical like me?

A new neighbor asked me the other day if we had any children. I hesitated, and then said no. But I lied. We do have a baby. We have a baby that we will not get to meet on this side of heaven. We have a baby that we will not get to hold, or watch grow up. But we have a baby that has fulfilled God’s purpose for their life. I know that losing our baby has changed us more that getting to raise him ever would have. We are stronger because of it.

And I’m ok with that.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

A day in the park

I had such a great day with my hubby! We were able to spend some much needed time together and get out of the house, which both are rare these days with school and work. This has been our Easter (Spring) Break and today was the first day that we had the morning together. So, we headed to the park! This wasn't just any park though; we went to the Museum Park. It consists of over 160 acres of trails, woodlands, and environmental art and it is a part of the Museum of Art. We walked for several minutes, thought we were lost, and then we walked around the clearing in the trees and this came into view.

It's called the Wind Machine. Cool huh? Everything on it spins and turns. It was a windy day, so we got the full effects of the Wind Machine.

This was our view from the top of the hill.

Can you see those big rings in the distance?

This structure was tucked away on the side of the trail. We couldn't see it from the top of the hill. It left quite an impression on me.


It was called Collapsed.

After Brad took this picture, I moved in for a closer look. (I wanted to see what it was made out of) Brad started laughing at me because I must of stuck my face a little too close...

Another angle.

Brad said, Is that what it looks like? Yes, darling!

We saw this beautiful BLUE bird. So pretty, and so blue!

My hot hubby walking down the hill towards the big rings (I forgot what they were called)

This is how big they were!

There were several different paths we could take. But we saw this giant corn-on-the-cob looking thing. I forgot it's name too.

It was huge.

A close up of the corn. It was made of brick, mortar, stones, and shiny glass pieces.

Brad followed me into the woods...what will we find next?

I followed Brad over the bridge.

We stopped to enjoy God's beautiful creation. Look at the new fern leaves growing!


We also stopped to take a picture. One of the best parts about our trip, there was barely anyone else there! So peaceful!

What's that in the distance? Is it the Tower of Babel?

Still can't figure it out, yet.

Wow, this thing is humongous!

It's a tower of newspaper!

Weird, but a great way to recycle.

This one was my favorite! It was called the Cloud Chamber.

This is how the museum describes it:

This shelter operates as a pinhole camera. A small aperture in the roof projects an inverted image of the sky onto the floor of the chamber, an effect that seems to pull the sky down to the viewer. Inside your perspective is turned upside down. Instead of looking up at the sky, trees, and clouds, you look down on them from above.

You have to go inside the little chamber, and close the door. You must wait for your eyes to adjust to the darkness, and all of a sudden the trees begin to appear! It was really amazing!

These pictures don't do justice to how incredible it really was. It was kinda romantic too!

We didn't see all of the sculptures/structures. We decided to save some things for the next time we come visit. It was such a gorgeous and relaxing day!

Now Open

I proud to say that My Etsy shop is now open for business! I currently only have 6 items for sale, but I am slowly adding more marvelous creations! Keep checking in to see if I have added more stuff. I will try to keep you updated, too.

Oh, and if you want to advertise for me on your blog (give me a shout out!), or spread the word; I wouldn't necessarily be opposed to that. Thanks!

Here she is: http://www.benedetto.etsy.com/

Earthworms, Etsy, & Etc.

Earthworms

My house has been invaded by earthworms.

Eewww, gross.

Because we've gotten so much rain in the last two weeks they are all over the sidewalks. Evidently they aren't the smartest little critters because they're now seeking refuge in my kitchen, and then shriveling up and dying. I stopped counting after I scrapped up my twelfth worm off the floor. When I cleaned up the first one, I thought it was a blade of grass, but it stuck to the floor in a very gross way. It took me a few other crusty friends to figure out what they were. I would compare it to picking a booger off a child's nose. Yes, I'm a preschool teacher, and I really did just use that analogy.


This unfortunate friend took another route and went straight up the glass of my back door. Notice that he left it smudged for me, although I can't say that it was perfectly clean and unsmudged before he decided to die there.

Any ideas on how to keep them out of my house?

Etsy

I know I've made promises before, but I'm working on my Etsy site right now. Really, I am.

Today, I talked to the director of the preschool where I'm currently employed to teach the cutest two-year olds ever! And I told her I'm not coming back next year. (Gasp!) Why, in these oh-so-depressing-economic-times would I choose not to have a job next year? Well, remember between the hubby and I, we work about 5 jobs combined...so we have income. AND My BFF over at the Beautiful Struggle has asked me to keep her little man a few days during the week next semester.

Also, I plan on trying to get my jewelry business off the ground. I think I am going to call it Benedetto. It means blessed. (What do you think?) I love teaching and I love, Love, LOVE working with children. But I don't want to look back, and say what if....I never tried to sell my jewelry...and all the other what ifs floating around in my head.

ETC. A few randoms...

There is a possibility I might have some visitors this weekend. Oh my heavens, I can't wait. I'm holding my breath...

I still hate my hair cut. With a passion. Hate, Hate, Hate. Yes, its still that bad.

Jackie, I never answered your question about the necklace (So sorry...). If I am going to solder the necklace (like I did in the necklace that you were asking about) then, yes, I do need the picture first. But, we sell something called memory frames at our store, where you can change the pictures, or insert the pictures after the necklace is made. I prefer the soldered look, and I can make it from a digital pic that you've emailed to me! Hope you're feeling better soon!

I changed my banner at the top of my blog. I've been playing around with my background, and haven't been very happy with it. So I tried to do it myself, and I used digital scrapbooking images. The background is boring, but I really like the banner now. And I added a signature. This is a big deal for me folks! Maybe I can work up to making the entire background! We'll see...

Special thanks to everyone who has prayed for us lately!! It's been a wild ride these last few months, and though we aren't completely out of this storm yet, we have truly seen God's amazing blessings throughout all of this. I have a few thoughts/feelings bouncing around in my head/heart that I need to sort through, because I think God is wanting me to share more of my story. Once I can get it all sorted out, (translated: once I can write it out so that it makes sense to you...) I will share it with you. So that God can get the glory.