Something Heavenly: Part Two

First of all, before I say anything, I want to let you know that I have an amazing husband, and I am so proud of him! He has been such an incredible rock in my life the last few months. He has been just as busy, if not more that I have been. I don’t know how he manages to go to school full time, and do everything else required of him as well. Almost every weekend since we’ve been back from our trip to SC, he’s had something to do with the youth group, and it normally requires something overnight. He is thriving in his new role with the youth ministry, but still humble enough to give God all the honor. I could not be more proud of him, and I didn’t mean to make him sound non-existent in my last post!

Now, there has been something that I have wanted to share with you for a long time. I think that it relates to what I talked about in my last post, but if I had written it all at one time, I don’t think anyone would have ever finished reading it. So, if you have a part one, you must have a part two right?

So, It has taken me a while to find the right words, and even the strength to be so open and honest about this. However, I feel the need to share this because there might be someone else who is also struggling with the same things. But most importantly, I want to share this because I want to give God the glory, and praise Him for the amazing strength and peace that He alone has given me through this.

This summer, June 28th marked a one-year anniversary on our calendar. This wasn’t the kind of anniversary that we exchanged gifts for, or really even celebrated. It was a year that I hoped wouldn’t make a full circle. But it did, and it’s been over 80 days since then.

There is a verse that echoes throughout my soul when I am reminded of how long it has been, and the possibility of how much longer it might be. The verse is 2 Corinthians 12:9: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”

This was the verse that my precious husband prayed over me when we got that last phone call from the nurse. We were at the church getting ready to leave to go to Student Life Camp when we got the phone call. We’ve received many phone calls from different nurses, all telling me the same thing. “The medicine didn’t work.” Usually they would say that they were going to increase my medicine, and that they wanted to see me again soon for more tests. Except with this last phone call, they said that my body wasn’t responding to ANY of the medicine, so they wanted me to start something different.

My heart and my spirit were broken and felt defeated. But as Brad prayed over me in his office that morning before we left for our youth retreat, God began to fill me with his Spirit, and his Grace became sufficient for me. Just like it has done for the past year and 80 plus days.

My heart’s desire is to have a baby, to start a family. Brad shares this desire with me, and we both have prayed earnestly for God’s will in this situation. Obviously, we are having a difficult time. Throughout this time I have struggled with depression, physical pain, as well as emotional pain. However, I would not trade the past year, or the next 20 years to have a baby. Brad and I have grown closer together and closer to God in ways that we truly wouldn’t have been able to if we were not going through this now.

We honestly know that our Savior does not need medicine or doctors to create life within me. Therefore, we have chosen to take a break from all of the medical procedures. My body, and Brad’s patience need a break from my hormones being tampered with. That is not to say that we won’t go back to the doctor in a few weeks or months, however I don’t think I was ready for the next step which they called “injectables”.

To save myself from writing a novel, I will simply say this is only part of our story. I know that there are others who are going through similar situations; I believe that God has placed several women in my life who have amazing testimonies that have helped give me encouragement and faith. That is why I wanted to share a little of our journey with you. I want to give others encouragement, and hopefully give God the glory. We know that in God’s perfect timing it will happen, and it will be far better that we could have ever imagined.